Here’s my class of 2022 and how we looked on our last day of Zoominary. We even have Zoominary t-shirts! Seminary in a pandemic is hard just as it is hard for anyone right now no matter where they find themselves. Yes, I find, like many, that Zoom is mentally taxing and this pandemic has created an overall loss of focus, a fatigue I can’t figure out, random and acute anxiety, and at times a depression without a point. I found comfort in the fact that we all did the best we could, including the professors. The faculty and staff at Seminary of the Southwest tried to keep a sense of community however virtually and expressed genuine concern for how we were all faring.
I’ve got a mother, a husband, and a granddaughter all at high risk if they catch this coronavirus, so I am respectfully very cautious and will remain so until the numbers in our area come down for fourteen straight days. Right now, they’re going up. Folks are obviously tired of distancing and being super cautious and I don’t blame them, but as they give up on safety guidelines, I feel more edgy. If there is an outbreak here at our student apartment complex, where will I take my husband? Social gatherings of friends and family happen to be one of the highest risks from what I’ve read, and I really do try and read peer-reviewed scientifically backed articles and not gather my information from opinion pieces.
However, I do not live in fear. I approach these guidelines practically and choose to err on the side of caution, mainly out of respect for others and to do no harm. Acceptance seems to be a big theme for me the past couple of months on many levels. Not resignation, but acceptance of the things I cannot change. I asked myself, “What are the things you always wish you had time for?” I made a short list and am making time for them. It keeps me off the mind-numbing thumbing through my phone. My CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) for the summer was cancelled. I can’t go to New Mexico, Pennsylvania, or England right now nor can I take a flight to Alaska to see my kids up there. So, here’s my short list for summer 2020 dont-lose-your-ever-livin-mind first aid:
- Taking Spanish lessons
- Taking Greek with the Presbyterians
- Daily sanity walks or hikes (with mask, socially distancing)
- Painting (generally without a mask, on my back patio known as “the pit”)
- Writing: blog, letters, and book notes
- Pandemic has made me sit my ass down and I’m going to just BE for a bit
I also find a deep spiritual rooting taking place and so I am trying to pay attention. I am a go, go, go person but I think I’m going to be glad for this time in retrospect. Separation is teaching me the value of community. Staying at home is teaching me the importance of appreciating how I am in the place I find myself. Sitting is teaching me the value of being present where I am. Walking is teaching me to see what is around me and that adventure can just as easily happen here as in some exotic vacation. Less activity is an opportunity to check in with people and listen better. Being still is the gift of time and attention to God. And then there’s the grace to let some days just be shitty.
Stay safe, my friends. I hope you have food to eat and a place to call home. Help those who don’t. I pray you do not fear and that you are healthy. I pray for you whatever circumstance you find yourself in. May God guide us through this valley.
Magdalena's Musings 